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OPTIMISM for Parents part 1

11/18/2017

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SIMPLE SECRETS SUCCESSFUL PARENTS KNOW THAT HELP THEM AVOID THE DISCONNECTION THAT SO MANY PARENTS ARE EXPERIENCING WITH THEIR CHILDREN - PARENTS WITH YOUNG CHILDREN, GET YOUR FREE PARENT VIDEO BELOW

This mind-set has must exist before any new parental objectives or goals can be realized. Optimism - “ism” means “a belief in” and “optim” comes from the word “optimal” and the Latin word “optimus,” which means “the most, the max, the best, all the way, the top of.” So, optimism, for our purpose here, means “The strong belief that the best is possible and probable in my life.” Your life reflects your belief system. - The benefits of being optimistic are: - Improved relationships - An experience of more positive rewards and positive people - Others are affected by your positive energy - Improved health- Self-esteem raised - Self-image expanded - Overall good feelings increased – Best Parenting Skills – YES!
 
Affirmations are a great way to implant optimism into your consciousness and eventually into your subconscious. Here is the idea of self-talk again to establish and maintain Optimism as a natural way of life. Affirmations in the mirror are more powerful as you are actually talking to yourself and is more meaningful. As you say affirmations regularly, you actually start re-wiring your brain to receive more optimistic experiences. Regarding your children: - You start to see more positive characteristics, possibilities and activities. Since you are tuning yourself to the “Optimisitc channel,” their positive inclinations are more apparent to you. What you notice starts growing, as you suggest optimistic choices and applaud their optimistic choices.  Optimism - “The strong belief that the best is possible and probable in my life.” Keeping this definition in mind, you NOW have the belief that the Best Parenting Ideas, the Best Parent/Child Relationship, the Best, Healthiest Example of a Loving Parent, the Greatest Validator, the Greatest Self-Esteem Builder, all is a natural part of you and this acknowledgment feels good. So, you can look at yourself in the mirror and say these “reminders” of what you have already established for yourself: “I see the best in my children today,” “I know that only Good belongs to them, and I will recognize this good as often as I can.” “I AM the Great Validator,” “I AM the Great Supporter of my children’s dreams and aspirations.”
 
​Some of your parents might be saying, “That just isn’t real. I am a Realist” - “I don’t know anybody that has a morning like that in the mirror. That is a lot of Pollyanna.” Well, the fact is that many people do this each and every day. It is these people who understand the great Secret. The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, is a wonderful book that describes the universal Law of Attraction. You discover that you attract what you are thinking about. The mind operates from its dominant thought, or vibration, so if you are thinking about anything you don’t want, you are going to attract that same thing to you. Why? Because that, is the object on your mind. For example, you wish your children would clean up their room and stop being the sloppiest children you’ve ever seen.  You are thinking about this sloppy scenario repeatedly. What kind of room and children are you going to see? Have any wild guesses? You know the answer. By the Law of Attraction, you brought THAT scenario into existence.
 
There are some prerequisites before you manifest this “Super Parent.” You must be a good visualizer. You must really see yourself enjoying the benefits of the bonding, connecting parent of happy children on your mind. Afterwards, you need to apply strong feelings to your prize image. Feel the feelings of having that image come true, that you have already are living it. Close your eyes and imagine that you are already enjoying: - a loving 2 way relationship with your children – a relationship where your children feel comfortable sharing their deep feelings – them allowing you to enter their world of imagination and dreams.

The Law of Attraction says that whatever you think about, you bring about. The way you think is a choice that you make. You can think the best thoughts about your children OR you can think about the possible trouble they are getting into at school. You can think about the health and all the good that you and your children have OR you can think about infirmities, other aches, pains and discomforts that you and your family might have. You can think about the money you have been blessed to have, the wonderful financial future that awaits you because you deserve it, and feel that it is already yours OR you can think about all the debt your children are causing you and the negative future more debt will bring. You see it is all a matter of choice. You can think about the little blessings that God gave you as you recognize that your young ones    are in good health, and their grades in school are good OR you can think about the unruly kids in the house, making noise and keeping their room a total mess. You can think about all the good that you have received and as you ponder on the many, many blessings that you are grateful for, tears start to form OR you can think about the depressing thoughts that the sometime pass through your mind regarding life and life lessons. Yep, it is all a matter of choice.
 
You can choose to be happy or choose to be miserable. You can see your children as the blessings that they are or a curse from God. You are in control of those choices and no one else holds that responsibility. When you choose to be happy and optimistic, according to the Law of Attraction, you must receive the same, which will add to your happiness and reaffirm your optimism. There is always something to notice wrong with children, in general, because of them learning by trial and error and not really knowing their place in this unfamiliar earthly environment. Why focus your needed energy on faults and “why me” questions? If some of those things get fixed, there will just be more to take its place. Why? Because you are attracting more of the same to be there. It is not going to stop, so why be in that mode of continuing to bring on more unhappiness?
 
How about focusing on the other side? Misery and disappointment is not your only choice. There is another side that is being ignored on too many occasions. There is a lot of RIGHT with you, your surroundings and the children that you were blessed to receive. A rose has beautiful smelling, brilliant petals, and it has some very sharp thorns. What are you going to focus on? What are you choosing to receive? The prick or the fragrance? The punishment or the reward? And that is what it really comes down to in life.
 
How to go from angry, bullying, depressed and/or underachieving  children, to happy, compassionate, confident and loving children
Parents with young children go NOW to www.cloudsofabundance.com and get your FREE Parent Video “5 Steps to Phenomenal Parenting” 

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COMMUNICATION & LISTENING SKILLS for Parents part 3

11/12/2017

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SIMPLE SECRETS SUCCESSFUL PARENTS KNOW THAT HELP THEM AVOID THE DISCONNECTION THAT SO MANY PARENTS ARE EXPERIENCING WITH THEIR CHILDREN - PARENTS WITH YOUNG CHILDREN, GET YOUR FREE PARENT VIDEO BELOW

It is important to demonstrate impartiality with your child. Kids want you to take sides all the time and they want your advice on everything. Since your role is to stimulate the thinking process in their young minds, you are going to be in the position of asking a lot of questions. You might ask, “What do you think about so and so? How do you feel about that? What would you do if you had the power to make a change? What do you think is the right thing to do? How would you feel if the same thing happened to you? How did it feel when you did that to them? Do you think that was the right thing to do?” Instead of judging, turn matters around through your questioning. This makes them think about their situation and usually they come up with their own answer(s). And when they do, they OWN the answer. It is their property because they created it themselves. You can tell them that the answer lies within them. Tell them that your questions make them think more on their own. Tell them that you love it when they think on their own and come up with their own answers. “That’s what real men (or women) do. You are doing great.” You are there to guide them along the way with love and understanding. Practice being impartial with little ones around you and see what happens.
 
Paraphrasing is another tool to be recognized and utilized. Paraphrasing is another way to facilitate connection. When you paraphrase to your child, he or she has the sense that you really heard them because in paraphrasing, you are retelling their story in your own words. When you paraphrase, make sure you get “confirming feedback” to make sure you are correct in your interpretation of their story. Ask them, “Now did I get that right?” When they answer positively then you know you have scored points with them. To paraphrase correctly you must really hear the details of their story, so that requires you to pay attention and concentrate on them and them alone.
 
As the parent, who wants the best communication possible with your children, you also must be a great Active Listener, which means you are “physically showing support.” Your body language is demonstrating interest. Your eye contact is direct. (this is why, getting physically down to their level so they are looking straight into your eyes, not upward is important.) You are really understanding and concentrating on what they are saying and not on how you are feeling. You are making mental, and sometimes actual, notes on their main points. “Listening” means to pay close attention to, to give your ear and yourself. You must develop and internalize sharp skills and the ability to listen objectively with a keen sense of “demonstrated empathy.” When you empathetically listen to them, you start to process their situation from THEIR frame of reference instead of your own. True listening requires, first, that you are not preoccupied, for if you are, you cannot fully receive the information from your child.

I need to address body language. Body language is very important in this topic of Communication and Listening Skills. Body language is referred to as “nonverbal cues.” Statistics say that 93% of effective communication is through nonverbal cues (55% is body language and 38% is through tone of voice) and only 7% is through actual words. Therefore, it is important to understand the 93/7 Principle of Communication. Since the clear majority of communication that gets through is nonverbal, you must recognize what you are communicating with your child.

Observe children as they model the parents’ behavior. They are more influenced by the body language and tone of voice than by their actual words. “Do as I say and not as I do,” does not work, as we see children, teens and adults follow what they see and not what they hear. This saying, “Kids be what they see,” is more accurate. How are you standing, folding your arms, leaning forward in the chair or slouching? Look at your hands on your hips, looking at the clock constantly, one foot out of the door while talking. And observe yourself standing while others are sitting, holding a conversation while looking at television or on the computer. You must have some congruency about yourself in this regard. The word “congruent” means, “matching, agreeing, coinciding.” It sends clear, consistent messages to your child. Incongruency, on the other hand, leads to confusion, to nonacceptance, and then to rebellion. When your child gets mixed messages, you are sending this subtle message to them, “I want you to believe my hypocrisy,” and/or “I am trying to hide something.” Neither of these messages work. Your words must match your body language to show that you are communicating effectively. Understanding body language increases your understanding of how to connect with your child. You might be evaluating, judging, approving, disapproving, agreeing, disagreeing, confirming and/or denying, all by your body language. As you are communicating with your child, you want to ask at various intervals about their feelings. As you are asking them how they feel, they will, from the pattern that you are establishing, bond more with you and really feel validated. When their innocent heart detects sincerity, it opens itself up for love and connection.
 
Communication and listening skills are critically important for successful parenting experiences. When the parent establishes the rules of communicating and listening, and their children adhere to those rules and roles, miracles can happen in these areas: - Order increases – Respecting of themselves and others - Empathy is demonstrated - Peer compassion is a normal part of household culture - Validation of peers - Active listening is demonstrated regularly.
 
 - How to go from angry children to happy, loving children - 
Parents with young children go NOW to www.cloudsofabundance.com and get your FREE Parent Video “5 Steps to Phenomenal Parenting”
 
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Communication and Listening Skills for Parents part 2

10/28/2017

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SIMPLE SECRETS SUCCESSFUL PARENTS KNOW THAT HELP THEM AVOID THE DISCONNECTION THAT SO MANY PARENTS ARE EXPERIENCING WITH THEIR CHILDREN - PARENTS WITH YOUNG CHILDREN, GET YOUR FREE PARENT VIDEO BELOW



Your child comes to you to talk about a good friend who betrayed their trust. The friend told another child their secrets. When your child confronted this person, they became angry and said that they didn’t want to be their friend anymore. This really hurt your child, as they had been friends for years. Your child is very sad as they are telling you the story. You see the grief, betrayal and sadness all over them and you say, “I know what you are going through. I gave your father the best years of my life for eighteen years, he was having an affair with my best girlfriend for two years, and I just found out about it. Can you believe that? Yep, your father did it alright. You talk about betrayal.” See what just happened? This kind of stealing, or hi-jacking happens all the time and it doesn’t make the initial person feel good at all.
 
Your child wants to be heard and empathized with, not for their feelings to be ignored and made to feel like your feelings are more important. Your child naturally feels slighted. Their internal dialogue goes something like this, “Okay, it is not safe to express my feelings with her, for she just wants to talk about her feelings instead. I’ll just keep my feelings to myself. Nobody cares anyway about my feelings. I’ll just keep them bottled up inside.” This doesn’t help matters at all. When you can empathize with your children, remove your ego, delete your self-based feelings and focus entirely on the perspective of your  child. It is THEIR feelings which are important. It is THEIR perspective that is the only perspective to have. It is THEIR path that is the only path to be on and NOT yours.
 
When you are in an empathic mode, you are allowing yourself to be led by the other person, in this case, your child. They oversee the feelings which are the main focus. If this idea bothers you that “they are in charge,” then it is your ego and your idea that you must be in control always, that is in the way of your connection and bonding with that precious child of yours. They ARE in charge of the emotional path you both are on. They tell you, either by words or nonverbal communication, the direction you two are to travel. It is their show and not yours. If this is hard to accept, you must ask yourself, “Why can’t I let go of this need to micromanage their lives and control everything? Why is it so hard to be quiet and let them express how they are really feeling without me being critical and contentious? What benefit am I receiving from being disconnected like I am?”
 
If your child comes to you with a scraped arm from falling off his/her bicycle, you might say, “Oh no, what happened to you? That must really hurt you. Wow, that must have been an awful experience to go through.” Your body language must be congruent with your words for the child to believe your sincerity. You must look really concerned and a little hurt yourself. Remember you are trying to put yourself in their place, so think about how their situation would affect you. Support their expressions of feelings. Blend into their frame of reference. The more empathic you become with your child, the more bonding increases, trust increases and your positive relationship increases.
 
Kids want to be connected with their parents, not dis-connected. Just like the first connection in the womb through the umbilical cord, children are always seeking connection, because they remember the paradise of the womb. The womb was the ultimate resort. You had everything supplied to you. You didn’t have to do anything, just relax and receive it all. You could swim around if you wanted to, stretch, move or just do nothing, and everything needed was provided. You didn’t even have to worry about pooping or peeing - even that was taken care of. Quite naturally, this kind of heavenly experience is not going to be forgotten. The child subconsciously is going to yearn for that nurturing experience again. Nothing comes close to that kind of paradise. Being connected is very important to the child. Therefore we, as concerned adults, should do what we can to stimulate connection.
 
Sympathy is demonstrating emotions TO versus WITH  them, as in empathy. For example, let’s say a good friend of your child died. You say to your child, “I am so sorry that Johnny died,” and then walk away after a gentle rub on their shoulder. You are not expressing your feelings trying to identify with your child’s feelings, or supporting their feelings or even acknowledging their sorrow. You are just letting them know that you have acknowledged their friend’s death and you felt bad for them. THAT is sympathy. You bring the flowers but not the appropriate feelings needed. There are times when sympathy is very appropriate, such as when a neighbor that you really don’t know has a loss. You want to do something to let them know you are a caring human being, so you just send flowers and a card. As I am intending to build up skills in you, to be the best parent to your child, empathy, not sympathy, is the appropriate trait to internalize.
 
When you are engaged in a conversation with your children, you are playing either a Communicator Role or a Listener Role. When you are in the Communicator role, you are to use “I” messages to clearly state your position and feelings. It is your turn and time to speak. You have the floor and the full attention of the other party. When you are in the Listener Role, you are to not speak and interrupt. And you cannot wait for the other person to breathe, so you can get your point in and maybe steal the conversation. You are to patiently listen attentively. Make sure you have the main points. You can paraphrase what you understand to be main points, back to the other person, making sure your understanding matches theirs. Your body language reveals that you are interested and engaged in their story. You may give feedback in this manner, “Let’s see if I have this correctly. You said that you will do extra chores to earn some money, so you can buy your own gaming app. Do I have the right understanding?” When it is time to switch roles, you will have to abide by the rules and roles of the Listener, and your child will now have to abide by the rules and roles of the Communicator. To have effective communication, you and your child must stay in your respective roles until it is the appropriate time to switch. Most often, this doesn’t happen. The dominant, self-centered one, the Parent, carries the conversation where THEY want it to go. The child just keeps their feelings and story to themselves. Their voice is not honored and this position of the parent contributes to their disconnection.
 
 
 
 

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COMMUNICATION & LISTENING SKILLS for Parents part 1

10/19/2017

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There is a tremendous need for everyone, not just Parents and children, to learn more about how to communicate and listen effectively. Communication and listening skills were not taught nor modeled in my house and no one I knew had these skills in their homes. Everybody just did the best they knew how, in their self-centered way, and didn’t bother to find new tools, although the ones employed were obviously not working. Dysfunction continued and poor modeling became the standard in most homes. Many children don’t communicate what they are truly feeling unless they feel comfortable in doing so. Is your home environment welcoming to their spirit of expression? If the environment is not supporting their spirit, if folks are berating them, abusing them, ignoring them, or just not being loving enough, they are not going to feel like opening up. That makes them more vulnerable to more negative energies. Other children are not as sensitive, and they voice their feelings whether they are supported or not. Since I am preparing you to be the best parent you can be, you have to spend some time with this subject. As you are learning more, start paying attention to the expressions or lack thereof in your household.
 
The first concept I am going to address is “I” messages and “You” messages. “I” messages focus on your feelings and concerns whereas “You” messages focus on criticism and blaming. “I” messages says to you, that you own the problem and that you are responsible for your own emotions whereas “You” messages create a feeling in the other of needing go be guarded and defensive. “I” messages tell you that you are in charge of your feelings, also it makes the other person more relaxed and calm. “I” messages also help in the communication process and makes the other person WANT to listen, and they become motivated to pay attention to you. Instead of saying, “You made me so mad” You could say, “I am feeling angry about what just happened” – Instead of saying, “You were kicked out of class again? You are so dumb!” – You could say, “I am concerned that you are getting put out of class repeatedly, not staying long enough to learn the subject and pass with a good grade. This doesn’t make me feel good at all.” – Instead of saying, “What in the world is wrong with you?   Can’t you see that I am on the phone? That TV is entirely too loud. You’re so inconsiderate” – You could say, “I really am feeling frustrated right now because when the TV is so loud I can’t hear what the caller is saying.”
 
 There is no guarantee that your child is going to listen to you even if you take the correct position and use the “I” messages, but at least you have done your part to communicate your feelings. You are also honoring your own inner child by acknowledging your feelings and expressing them. Too often people don’t acknowledge their own feelings. They bury their feelings deep within because they feel like no one wants to be bothered, or no one else cares, so, why should they? If you don’t have a healthy outlet for your feelings, then you are inviting these unacknowledged feelings to surface in unhealthy ways.
 
 As you are getting prepared to be new & improved, wonderful parent, you want to start practicing internally, using “I” messages with yourself. You are going to tell yourself that you are going to honor your divine spirit and your feelings. As you look in the mirror you can say, “I feel good when you feel good. I honor you and all the feelings that you express and don’t express. Yes, Yes & Yes.” As this becomes easier, when you are ready to interact with your child, your words and demeanor will flow naturally. You will soon be able to make your child feel very comfortable as you tell him/her to express him/herself in an honorable way using “I” messages appropriately. Now, you are the excellent model in this area. Their feelings are important! You will tell him/her that you care, love and are interested in their feelings and love to hear them expressed. It makes you feel good to hear them speak about their feelings. Their feelings light up your room. This will certainly make them feel supported, safe, secure, and truly loved. To really know that your parents love to hear your deep-down thoughts, feelings and perspectives is life changing. This will increase the bonding between you two and will have lightning speed results in your personal life.
 
 Good communication also means asking Open Questions as opposed to Closed Questions. If you want to get information, it is important to ask the questions that will give you what you want. Open Questions require description and explanation, whereas Closed Questions produce one syllable responses like “no” or “yes” or “fine.” Questions like, “What kind of things happened to you today?” or “Tell me how your day went today.” As opposed to, “Did you have a good day?” The more the child expresses him/herself to share details of their day, the better they will feel about themselves, and the better they will feel about your relationship. The child will believe you are caring about their feelings and their life. Many people don’t realize this, and they fail to use this simple technique of asking open questions regularly with their children.
 
 When you understand the benefits of demonstrating empathy with your child, you will want to use this as often as the need presents itself. Empathy is sometimes confused with sympathy so we must differentiate the two terms. Empathy is simply a demonstration of feelings WITH them, identifying with their feelings and matching their feelings. Empathy is connecting to and bonding with the other individual, in this case, your children. When you are in an empathic state, your feelings are not important, only the feelings of your child. Naturally you want to help the other person, but you do it from THEIR perspective and not YOUR perspective. You can ask plenty of questions that may influence their thinking about their circumstances, but you must be careful and not advise based on your own thinking. Don't hi-jack the conversation. You must remain Child-Centered and not Self-Centered.
 
I have told my students that they should keep in mind that, while they are in the empathic role, they don’t exist, only the other person and their feelings exist. So, with this in mind, you are not going to do internal scanning, searching for their answers. And you are not going to steer them based on what you think should happen without complete regard for how they are feeling. The center of focus is always on them and not you. What you express is based on what they are saying. Their perspective is your guiding force. Their view is the view for you to internalize, not yours. In this way, you won’t steal the conversation, by switching the focus from them to you. This happens all the time in conversations.
 
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SELF-IMAGE for PARENTS part 2

10/11/2017

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​It is not the conscious level that controls the subconscious level of thinking, but the subconscious level that controls the conscious level. Nothing is done without reference to the subconscious level of thinking. Its sole function is to follow what you feed it, being totally objective. You can either feed positive producing information or negative producing information, and you are doing just that every day, whether you are conscious of it or not. So, when you notice unfavorable results in your lives, you should look to see what self-image information is being brought forth to your conscious reality. And you do this by first noticing what kind of self-talk you are conducting. The more you can internalize this process, the more you can model and be the example your children.
 
The healthy parents realize that they are in control of their internal thermostat and when they want change to happen, they reset their thermostat to their desired temperature. They change their self-talk and internal image of themselves. They walk, talk and act differently. They conduct their affairs differently and create new standards for themselves. They chart a different course and stay on their new track. Soon, this new behavior becomes their new habit and then, at that time, it is their new way of being, set on automatic. You are now the excellent model for your children to follow to get and keep their Self-Image high and productive.

Visualizing, imagination and faith in your higher self are three of the most important qualities that successful parents possess. These areas are vital in creating a high producing self-image. The greater your ability to creatively daydream, the better you will be in creating a new future. See why it is so important to encourage your children to dream the best about themselves and their future? Visualizing what you want instead of what you don’t want may seem like common sense to most of us, even though most people follow the later instead of the former. Our mind gives us what we dwell upon, whether it is constant conversation with ourselves or others, or a picture we hold in our minds. This is what you are to pass on to your children. But again, they will really learn by your example.

Are you constantly thinking about these things? - The job that you hate - The people you have to work around that annoy you - The spouse that you are loathing - The bills that keep increasing - The poverty that seems to control you - Your relationships that are depriving you of life -The kids making you mad – Your children always making a mess for you to clean up – The constant fighting among your children - The downward spiraling of your life – Another rough day like yesterday. If you are, then you are subtly giving your subconscious mind more data to feed back to you as more of the same realities. Remember that your subconscious level of awareness only makes real for you what you hold in your mind and your conversations. You see now that you must change your mental pictures and your conversations. When you catch your children creating negative characters of themselves, you must intervene. You have to tell them to form the picture of what they WANT and not what they DON’T WANT. Dwelling on the negative only causes more negative. It is called the Law of Attraction. If you notice, not only children but adults do this all the time. They dwell, post on facebook, share with others, promote news that is negative; all the events that they DO NOT WANT. When they are questioned about it, they say that they just want people to know what is really going on in the world. But at the same time, this avalanche of negativity is lowering their self-image, productivity and self-esteem. They become victims of their circumstances instead of victors of their life. Parents, you must turn this mentality and awareness around with your children. Your children might say, “Oh Mom, I’m just playing or what’s wrong with being the villain or gangster?” You must tell them that in order to have what they want or be what they want to be, they must have a strong image of their desirable experiences, to the point that they can actually taste, smell and feel the image, as if they already have it. Tell them to feel the feelings as if what they wanted was already in their possession. If it is a straight A report card, who is giving it to them? What does it look like? What look is on the teacher’s face as they are giving it to them? How do they feel as they received it? When they hold on to this idea long enough and really feel and own this image, it will manifest itself to them.

Think about a basketball coach telling his team not to miss so many baskets, and wonders why they keep on missing baskets. He is putting the wrong image in their minds and that wrong image keeps on manifesting itself on the court. You operate from the dominant thought, or dominant vibration, in your brain. The dominant thought here is “missing baskets.” The mind does not compute negatives like not. The mind picks up only the objective - “missing baskets.” You tell your kids to stop acting like animals and you get more animal-like behavior. You tell your spouse to stop arguing and stop nagging, and you get more of the same. You have to focus on what you want and you have to internalize and pass this on to your children. 

Giving children the vision for creative and productive imagination is a wonderful gift. Children are naturally imaginative, and to encourage them to be more imaginative is such a blessing for you and them. When children talk about their imagination and visions, you should show interest and ask questions that spark them to think more about their mental pictures. Don’t brush them off by saying, “Don’t be silly. There you go with your imaginary friends again.” Who knows, you might have a real visionary, artist, musician, sculptor or even a young medium or psychic on your hands. Support them in their dreams and you’ll be supporting their future accomplishments.

Parents and children can hold firmly to the high standards and high, productive image in their minds regardless of circumstances surrounding and dominating their environment. When children really know the expectations and standards set by their parents, they adjust themselves accordingly. When the parent has in their mind the image of happy, loving, empathic, compassionate, intelligent, and ambitious children, they rise to the occasion. The parent envisions this image and their children can feel that warm energy. It feels good to the children and they respond with a fervent effort to align themselves accordingly. The children will say to themselves, “Hey, I want to see what Mommy/Daddy sees in me. It must be there or they wouldn’t be acting like they do.” And then they go to work on themselves. When the parent consistently tells their children that they are inherently great and highly intelligent, they will paint a new picture for themselves. They will adopt now, a new self-image.

When parents have a high self-image and they demonstrate this with their children, a transformative process can start. Many children have not had parents, or around any healthy adults who honor themselves in this manner. They don’t have the role models in their immediate environment. When they are exposed to mentors or positive parent figures exhibiting a high self-image and are told that they too can own this idea of themselves, a paradigm shift starts to take place. They now see that it IS possible for them to be successful and competent as a responsible, contributing, productive adult. These children now have someone they can emulate and this new experience shapes the way they think about themselves, others and their possibilities in the world. 
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SELF-IMAGE for Parents part 1

10/8/2017

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​ How your children see themselves is what they become. The need for a healthy self-image is crucial for the balanced, emotionally intelligent, future adult. The self-image determines how the young child will develop. The self-image is like a thermostat set in the house for 78 degrees. When the house gets cooler than 78, the heater comes on until the temperature is 78. When the temperature gets above 78, the air conditioner comes on to bring the temperature down to 78. The self-image they set for themselves, consciously or unconsciously, is how they are going to be, despite external conditions. They can rise or fall no further than their self-image.

Here’s a quote from my mentor Dr. Nathaniel Branden on Self-Image. Parents, it is very important that you tune into what self-image is and why it is important for your children to have the best, healthiest, productive self-image they can imagine:

“Self-image or concept includes self-esteem, but it is broader. It concerns my overall perception of my traits, abilities, limitations, shortcomings and strengths. So, self-concept has self-esteem as the evaluative component, but self-concept includes a great deal more-like what is appropriate to me, what I am able to do or not do, what my strengths are and what my limitations are.” -Dr. Branden

If your child has a high self-image of themselves being a great scientist, for example, they are going to be more attentive in their science class. They are going to do well on their tests. They are going to ask intelligent questions which will demonstrate their genuine interests. When they experience some defeat along the way, they will shrug it off and forge on. When they graduate and select a place of employment in which to show their new skills, they walk with confidence and self-assurance. The prospective employer notices this spirit and they are hired. This feedback only raises their confidence level and affirms the self-image that they always envisioned for themselves. You as the supporting parent that you are, must be the cheerleader of this self-image.

Parents, pay close attention: The same principle applies to a person with a low self-image. They never expect much good to come to them and they get exactly that. The Law of Attraction applies right here. They are in the same science class only because their father was a good in science and being in this class will please him. They miss many main points in the class because they were not attentive enough. Your child kind of likes the class, but they don’t see themselves doing well as a scientist or anything else in life. When they get a bad grade, they get reassurance that they don’t measure up with the rest of the class and that, in their mind, they are a loser, which complies with their internal image. They get caught up in the downward spiral of misery and disappointments.
How do your children become successful in school, at acquiring healthy friends, attaining their goals or loving and living life? They must have an internal vision of themselves that reflects their higher self; who they associate with and how life responds to them. There is a way and this is very necessary for your children to know, really accept, and internalize. You are going to tell and show them that High Self-Esteem people are oriented toward challenge and opportunity and Low Self-Esteem people are oriented toward safety and security. You can encourage him or her to think about activities that present challenges and opportunities as they get older. Use some of your own life experiences as examples. This will contribute to them having a high self-image.

“When you see a thing clearly in your mind, your creative ‘success mechanism’ within you takes over and does the job much better than you could do it by conscious effort or willpower.”- Dr. Maxwell Maltz .

As the healthy, conscious parent that you are, you must monitor your self-talk. It is your self-talk that forms your self-image. “Words Make People.” Remember, your children “Be What They See,” not “Be What You Say.” In order for you to help them with their self-talk, YOU have to reflect what you want for them.  I know you want to be emotionally strong as you can, first as an individual and secondly as a parent, so it is critically important to verbalize the descriptions and aspirations about yourself in the affirmative posture. They are taking note.
 
Dr. Maxwell Maltz, from his award winning book, Psycho-Cybernetics, talked about a woman who thought she had an ugly nose and wanted a nose job. She went to a recommended plastic surgeon and went through the procedure. After the surgery and the swelling, the doctor revealed her new nose to her with great anticipation that she would be ecstatic. She looked at herself in the mirror and sadly said that she didn’t see much difference and that she still looked and felt ugly. Her self-image was one of ugliness, so no matter what happened on the outside, her perception was reflected on what was the inside view of herself. Parents, are you listening? Your children sure are.

You want to pay attention to what your child is saying to themselves and see if their self-talk is complimentary or not complimentary. Their self-talk forms their self-image. If you notice that they are saying “I just can’t do it,” “It doesn’t work for me,” “I will never get it,” “No one wants to play with me,” “I am not good enough,” “I can’t get anything right,” “I will never be smart like those people,” “I am the stupid one in class,” “Every time I attempt to get ahead, I get disappointed,” you have to intervene immediately and change their dialogue. You can see now that self-esteem feeds healthy self-image, right? To create changes at their core self-image level, your children need to start with changing their self-talk. As they do this regularly, a pattern is created and it is then easy and natural. It is easier to teach and model to others when it is second nature to you. So, what is your self-talk pattern? Are you in a habit of saying the best about yourself? You want to be a winner? Then say it - “I am a natural born winner,” as you are looking at yourself in the mirror. The mirror is your stage. It is where you practice your lines, your new looks, your new appreciations. Every day you are feeding your self-image storage bank which either works for you or against you. This is what you model for your children.
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Your self-image dwells in your subconscious, not at the conscious level. The conscious level is responsible for collecting information from the environment, storing it in the memory cells and making rational decisions. The subconscious is responsible for autonomic body control, such as breathing, heartbeat, the storage of information, and creative goal seeking. The conscious level cannot do anything without consulting with the subconscious level first. The subconscious level checks its storage bank, which houses the self-image and then replays the self-image information back to the conscious level. This is important as you are helping your children form the best self-image possible.
 
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VISUALIZATION for PARENTS

10/2/2017

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Children naturally come here full of curiosity and as they are like dry sponges, they soak up whatever is in their environment and imagine what else is behind what they are experiencing. In their minds they are asking what this does, what that does - Can I change it? Can it do something else? Can it please me? How does it taste? How does it feel? Can I play with it? Their minds are very active and desire stimulation. They are completely open for new experiences with no biases or judgments. As soon as they are ready for your interaction, you are going to encourage them and join them in their imaginations. When your children experience you loving their playful activities and joining them in their imaginations, they feel ok in continuing these activities. This “visualization muscle” gets strengthened more and more as this validation from you continues. As you encourage them to visualize, telling them that anything is possible and that they can do or be anything they can imagine for themselves, you will see them become motivated to be more creative in general. All it takes is for them to really know that you are supporting their dreams and aspirations.

You might think it is silly to go along and pretend with your kids as they are creating a playful reality or story. You might tell them that they should stop pretending and “get real” or you might even discourage them from engaging in anything you deem as silly or too “childish.” Entering their world would be completely unthinkable for some of you. If someone would ask you to be more compassionate and understanding of your children’s fantasies, you might say “And why would anyone do something so foolish as that?” or “What adult would do such a thing?” or “I’m not thinking about doing any such thing. I am the parent, not another kid.” Now do you see why this is so important to address?
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When you support your children in their dreams and visions, you are supporting their creativity and aspirations. When they see you supporting, gently guiding, offering compassionate suggestions and encouragement, those children see no limits in life. This is why you should encourage your children to visualize often. You should help them to dream creatively. Support their dream experiences and ask open questions about their dreams. In this way, you will be supporting their future aspirations, goals and motivations. Their self-esteem, self-image and self-confidence increase dramatically.
Would you call yourself a creative person? When you were very young, did you have dreams that you never manifested? Did you have support for those dreams? Were you allowed to share your dreams and ideas? Was there a welcoming atmosphere in your household for expressions from children? Were your parents encouraging in the areas of your interest? Did you feel really connected to your parents? If your answers are not in the affirmative, then it would be naturally challenging to be the best, loving supporter of your children, because you have no idea what that feels like. You, as the wonderful, motivated parent that you are, will encourage your children to dream their best dreams. You will say to them, “Imagine yourselves as doctors, actors, contractors, stock brokers, musicians, school teachers, social workers, bankers, etc. Right before you go to bed tonight, imagine your best future so that when you dream, your mind will expand the idea. You will wake up feeling so happy and wonderful.” As you support their visions, they will feel better about themselves. Just knowing that your parent is supportive of your aspirations, despite their enormity or abstractness, bonding and trust levels increase. When parents demonstrate that they believe in their children, they believe more in their possibilities.
You, wonderful parents, can use this material to encourage your young ones to chart their own destiny by the power of their own thoughts and imagination. You can tell them that their thoughts are powered by the energy they put behind them. Their young mind can produce wonders and miracles, all with the power of visualization and the strong feelings that accompany them. Tell them that they are the painters and sculptors of their own life. They paint and mold whatever they want to manifest for themselves. They are in control and are in charge of their own path.
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SELF-ESTEEM part 4 for Parents

9/23/2017

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A high self-esteemed person may talk or write to a low self-esteemed person about a personal matter. The low esteemed person will generally misinterpret, misunderstand and/or completely miss the point and intention of the other person. The low esteemed one will think that they are being criticized, disrespected and/or attacked, when that wasn’t the intention at all of the other party. They will only see words or hear words that they feel are the criticizing ones and leave out all the rest. They won’t see the whole letter or conversation in the proper context. Before they open the letter or before the other person begins to speak to them, they are armed for a fight.

Parents, you need to know that self-esteem affects your children’s senses also. It is like wearing colored glasses. The high self-esteemed person is wearing the blue glasses and the low self-esteemed person is wearing the green glasses. It won’t matter how logical and intelligent the first party is toward the second party, the second party is always going to view their world through those green glasses. That’s what they have chosen to put on, either consciously or unconsciously. There is no real communication between these two, until they have on the same colored glasses. Your children need to know that their hearing, touch and smell are also affected. The low self-esteemed person will hear the worst, feel the worst and smell the worst. The high self-esteemed person will hear the best, feel the best and smell the best, because they are looking for the best in everything. You experience the way you want to experience or the manner you have been conditioned to experience. This is another reason I want Parents to always be in a high Self-Esteem building mode with language, behavior and activities.

The parental standards that you were conditioned to accept as you were growing up don’t have to be a permanent part of your life or your children’s lives. As you mature in your emotionality and spirituality, you can make conscious choices about how you want your life and your children’s lives to unfold. You can reset your internal thermostat to whatever you choose for yourself. If those old traditional standards worked for your parents, then that is great for them. It doesn’t mean, however, that they will work for your life. In order to set new parental standards you might need to change your: - Belief system - Religion - Self-talk - Friends - Habits – Emotional Environment - What you allow into your consciousness, such as contrary messages from television and social conversations. I know there are some parents that just naturally build up everyone they meet and they are always a joy to be around. They are known as angels and they bring warmth and compassion everywhere they go. These are the rare souls here on earth and when you experience these angels you never forget it. AND you could be this kind of parent. See it, Claim it, Be it!
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It is important to mention self-appreciation as it coincides with your self-esteem. There is a higher self in you that is always working on your behalf whether you are conscious of it or not. This is the self that God breathed into you as you were developing in the womb. This is the part of you that is divine and the same self that will go on after you leave this life. This is the self that never dies. This self has also been called your soul. This is the self that was with God before this earthly experience and will return back to God after this experience. It is this self that needs our appreciation. As children learn by observation, they will in turn learn to appreciate their spirit within. 

​www.cloudsofabundance.com
www.facebook.com/childselflove 
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SELF-ESTEEM part 3

9/14/2017

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It would have been healthier if you told your children that they had an endless supply of gold and treasures within and everything they need for the complete fulfillment of their life. The healthier and stronger they become, and the more insight of their own greatness they realize, translates to them being able to tap that reservoir inside and thus receive the benefits. Now, that all by itself will make them feel good.

“I love and accept myself. Deep in the center of me flows an infinite well spring of love. Love fills my whole being and radiates out from me in all directions, returning to me multiplied. I give and receive more love every day and the supply is endless.” – Louise Hay     -If you were never told this, start today saying this to yourself until it becomes so natural and the words flow out of your mouth effortlessly. Once this is internalized you can direct these words to your little ones.

As you are learning how to be a The Great Self-Esteem Builder for your children, you are going to tell your children high self-esteem making statements and affirmations. You are going to tell him or her how you feel about them, their potentials, possibilities, and probabilities. When you are interacting with them, you are going to express to them how they make you feel when they are displaying the greatness of their own genius within. Just telling your children that you love them will have tremendous results, all by itself. Try saying that to your reflection in the mirror and see what feelings are stirred up within. Children need to be around adults who naturally express their feelings of health and wellness. They learn by the examples they see in their immediate environment. When they see you expressing joy and happiness in hearing of someone else’s accomplishments, they in turn will do the same when someone they know tells them of something good that they have done.
As you are encouraging your children to feel they can do and be anything, let them know that their self-esteem rises when they can influence some kind of change in their environment. This feeling adds to their self-worth and gives their life more meaning. They need to know that they can influence something around them. They need to know that they have some kind of gift, talent, passion or answer that the world is needing. They do have the ability to deliver this message and they know that
this message will create needed changes that somebody will appreciate. This is why volunteering for Service Organizations is good. Ask them questions and see what possibilities are within them for influencing something around them.

Keep in mind the health and emotional well-being of both yourself and your children is your foremost priority. So you are not going to entertain the “lower vibration” of other kinds of standards in your past or environment, such as “cultural self-esteem” as coined by Caroline Myss or any low self-esteem experienced in your history. WHAT YOU VALIDATE, YOU ASSOCIATE. You are going to ONLY validate and accept that which is alignment with your higher self and your higher self wants ONLY that which is good, healthy and life promoting. Caroline Myss talks about the “cultural self-esteem” or “group self-esteem” as the controlling standard many of us grew up accepting, for not to accept this resulted in punishment or ostracizing. This could be influencing your parenting style.
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Another reason for you building your children’s self-esteem is because it affects their communication with others. Those who have a low self-esteem often view and perceive their world differently than those who possess a high level of self-esteem. Those with challenged self-esteem are inclined to be more defensive and hypersensitive. They are generally quicker to think that they are being attacked, talked down to, ignored, disrespected and/or slighted in some way or another. Some of them even have that on their mind when they are with people or just out in the public. It is like they are looking for someone that, in their mind, is finding fault with them in some way. It’s the Law of Attraction in action. Some appear to be picking a fight. You see this kind of personality at public high schools when classes end and the students are coming out, waiting for the bus, their rides, or just hanging out. 
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SELF-ESTEEM part 2

9/10/2017

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What comes to your mind when you think about building your children’s self-esteem? Do you know what self-esteem is? Do you think that it means just to make sure your children “feel good” about themselves? Or just to feel good? A bank robber feels good as she gets away with the ‘loot.’ A heroin user feels good after their ‘hit.’ A bully feels good after he abuses his victim. Self-Esteem is you believing in your higher self; you having confidence in your own mind and in your own ability to judge; you experiencing yourself as deserving of happiness; you perceiving yourself as a descent, worthwhile lovable person.

“I cannot think of a single psychological problem, from anxiety and depression to fear of intimacy or of success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to underachievement at school or at work, to spouse battering or child molestation, to a sexual dysfunction or emotional immaturity, to suicide and crimes of violence, that is not traceable to the problem of poor self-esteem.” – Dr. Nathaniel Branden

I studied Dr. Branden’s work and his work influenced me the most to write my book, Reconnected, and do the kind of work I do today.Your success or your failure in life is directly tied to your level of self-esteem. Self-esteem speaks to the intrinsic value of you. It is an assessment of your competence to live, your worthiness, and your happiness. What is your estimate of you? Too often people say they feel good about themselves but they don’t really value themselves adequately. At various times they may have suicide ideations or other negative fantasies about themselves. So we have to go a bit deeper when we are investigating the idea of self-esteem. High self-esteem speaks to the level of integrity you have; real inner confrontations won; reconciling your inner self with your outer self which is the basis of this book. It is also about assessing our real courage and how honesty is attained and internalized. High self-esteem is much more than just feeling good about your self. It is reflected in your personality, your productivity at work and at home with your family, your character, your general way with people, and the spirit that you carry with you always.
 
Have you ever told your children that it is quite normal, natural and wonderful to feel great, deep inside of them? At their core and in their quiet moments they should have good feelings about themselves, place a high value on their existence and that they have a God given right to be happy. For the healthy, conscious parents it is natural to tell them that they are a great, unique, special creation that God had put on this earth to do perform miracles. God has given them a mission, a talent that belongs to them, exclusively. God has certain Blessings He has created for mankind and He wants to deliver them through His special creation, them.
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As you are developing your children in a healthy manner, you are preparing them, unconsciously and maybe consciously, to become the vessel for God’s Blessing to mankind. When they are not developing in a healthy manner, God’s Blessings cannot come through them and hence mankind is deprived. It should be apparent now why it is so important to be healthy. It is also important for them to model for others what health looks and feels like, so others can be motivated to be that way, too. They have to really feel that they deserve health, happiness and the abundance that life has to offer.
 
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    Nazim Rashid

    The Compassionate Parent Coach, Author, Personal Growth Coach, Recovery Coach and Professional Speaker. I want the very best for you and I would love to witness you acknowledging the greatness within yourself and acting on the new YOU that you have now become. 

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