Emotional Intelligence includes the skills, habits and understanding, which shapes your thoughts, feelings and actions in your relationship with yourself and with others. It involves the ability to:
- Perceive accurately
- Appraise and express emotion
- Access and generate feelings when they facilitate thought
- Regulate emotions to promote emotional and intellectual growth
It is also the capacity for:
• Recognizing your own feelings and those of others
• Motivating others
• Managing emotions well in yourself and in your relationships
You have to identify your emotions and feelings first and then help your children identify theirs. This is so important for your children to start recognizing and acknowledging their feelings at the earliest age possible. You as healthy, conscious parents, should be introducing the various feelings and emotions as early as possible, so your children can know and differentiate their feelings. They need to know consciously what horror feels like internally as opposed to feeling scared. Be very basic with this one as it is vital to get through to them in this area. For example, at the age of five, you can write the word horror in big letters on a white/black board or big construction paper; then you can demonstrate the word, by putting on either a monster movie or some other scary one or act out a scary scene so the child will get the idea. They will know afterwards that the horror feeling came when they viewed something that was scary, but didn’t affect them personally, whereas the scary feeling came when they were personally affected. Now your five-year-old has internalized the difference between scary and horror. They now have added a new word into their vocabulary. The more your child can clearly identify their emotions and feelings, the clearer their problem will be to you. The child will now know how to address what they are going through. You can’t produce a solution to a problem when you can’t identify the problem.
Here are some examples of emotions and feelings that you and your children should know how to identify when they appear in your lives. In the second column you will find opposing positive energy that you need, to retrieve your balance and restore peace:
(-) (+)
• Sadness - Happiness
• Anger - Peaceful
• Fear - Confident
• Guilt - Innocent
• Abandoned - Cherished
• Hurt - Comforted
• Rage - Calm
• Arrogant - Humble
• Awful - Wonderful
• Blaming - Forgiving
Here are some more examples of emotions and feelings that you and your children should know how to identify when they appear in your lives. Again, you will find in the second column, opposing positive energy that you need, to retrieve your balance and restore peace:
(-) (+)
• Burdened - Relieved
• Cheap - Valuable
• Clumsy - Coordinated
• Competitive - Cooperative
• Compulsive - Rational
• Condemning - Forgiving
• Defensive - Assertive
• Defeated - Victorious
• Desolate - Joyful
• Detached - Connected
• Drained - Invigorated
• Embarrassed - Confident
• Failure – Successful
When you and your children neglect your feelings, what you are really doing is disrespecting and dishonoring your own soul, your inner child. When you do this, believe me, you are going to pay dearly sooner or later. This is so important to understand about the moody symptoms your child might be experiencing. It might be in the form of:
- Depression
- Unexplainable moodiness
- Quick temperaments
- Feelings of uneasiness
- Discontent
- Feelings of unfinished emotional business in the past that has created an emotional block, preventing you from proceeding to enjoy life fully
Together we can transform your children from being angry, bullying, moody or too quiet to happy, compassionate, loving children. YES, and feel confident that you are using new compassionate parenting skills as opposed to how you were raised.
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