SIMPLE SECRETS SUCCESSFUL PARENTS KNOW THAT HELP THEM AVOID THE DISCONNECTION THAT SO MANY PARENTS ARE EXPERIENCING WITH THEIR CHILDREN - PARENTS WITH YOUNG CHILDREN, GET YOUR FREE PARENT VIDEO BELOW
It is important to demonstrate impartiality with your child. Kids want you to take sides all the time and they want your advice on everything. Since your role is to stimulate the thinking process in their young minds, you are going to be in the position of asking a lot of questions. You might ask, “What do you think about so and so? How do you feel about that? What would you do if you had the power to make a change? What do you think is the right thing to do? How would you feel if the same thing happened to you? How did it feel when you did that to them? Do you think that was the right thing to do?” Instead of judging, turn matters around through your questioning. This makes them think about their situation and usually they come up with their own answer(s). And when they do, they OWN the answer. It is their property because they created it themselves. You can tell them that the answer lies within them. Tell them that your questions make them think more on their own. Tell them that you love it when they think on their own and come up with their own answers. “That’s what real men (or women) do. You are doing great.” You are there to guide them along the way with love and understanding. Practice being impartial with little ones around you and see what happens.
Paraphrasing is another tool to be recognized and utilized. Paraphrasing is another way to facilitate connection. When you paraphrase to your child, he or she has the sense that you really heard them because in paraphrasing, you are retelling their story in your own words. When you paraphrase, make sure you get “confirming feedback” to make sure you are correct in your interpretation of their story. Ask them, “Now did I get that right?” When they answer positively then you know you have scored points with them. To paraphrase correctly you must really hear the details of their story, so that requires you to pay attention and concentrate on them and them alone.
As the parent, who wants the best communication possible with your children, you also must be a great Active Listener, which means you are “physically showing support.” Your body language is demonstrating interest. Your eye contact is direct. (this is why, getting physically down to their level so they are looking straight into your eyes, not upward is important.) You are really understanding and concentrating on what they are saying and not on how you are feeling. You are making mental, and sometimes actual, notes on their main points. “Listening” means to pay close attention to, to give your ear and yourself. You must develop and internalize sharp skills and the ability to listen objectively with a keen sense of “demonstrated empathy.” When you empathetically listen to them, you start to process their situation from THEIR frame of reference instead of your own. True listening requires, first, that you are not preoccupied, for if you are, you cannot fully receive the information from your child.
I need to address body language. Body language is very important in this topic of Communication and Listening Skills. Body language is referred to as “nonverbal cues.” Statistics say that 93% of effective communication is through nonverbal cues (55% is body language and 38% is through tone of voice) and only 7% is through actual words. Therefore, it is important to understand the 93/7 Principle of Communication. Since the clear majority of communication that gets through is nonverbal, you must recognize what you are communicating with your child.
Observe children as they model the parents’ behavior. They are more influenced by the body language and tone of voice than by their actual words. “Do as I say and not as I do,” does not work, as we see children, teens and adults follow what they see and not what they hear. This saying, “Kids be what they see,” is more accurate. How are you standing, folding your arms, leaning forward in the chair or slouching? Look at your hands on your hips, looking at the clock constantly, one foot out of the door while talking. And observe yourself standing while others are sitting, holding a conversation while looking at television or on the computer. You must have some congruency about yourself in this regard. The word “congruent” means, “matching, agreeing, coinciding.” It sends clear, consistent messages to your child. Incongruency, on the other hand, leads to confusion, to nonacceptance, and then to rebellion. When your child gets mixed messages, you are sending this subtle message to them, “I want you to believe my hypocrisy,” and/or “I am trying to hide something.” Neither of these messages work. Your words must match your body language to show that you are communicating effectively. Understanding body language increases your understanding of how to connect with your child. You might be evaluating, judging, approving, disapproving, agreeing, disagreeing, confirming and/or denying, all by your body language. As you are communicating with your child, you want to ask at various intervals about their feelings. As you are asking them how they feel, they will, from the pattern that you are establishing, bond more with you and really feel validated. When their innocent heart detects sincerity, it opens itself up for love and connection.
Communication and listening skills are critically important for successful parenting experiences. When the parent establishes the rules of communicating and listening, and their children adhere to those rules and roles, miracles can happen in these areas: - Order increases – Respecting of themselves and others - Empathy is demonstrated - Peer compassion is a normal part of household culture - Validation of peers - Active listening is demonstrated regularly.
- How to go from angry children to happy, loving children -
Parents with young children go NOW to www.cloudsofabundance.com and get your FREE Parent Video “5 Steps to Phenomenal Parenting”
It is important to demonstrate impartiality with your child. Kids want you to take sides all the time and they want your advice on everything. Since your role is to stimulate the thinking process in their young minds, you are going to be in the position of asking a lot of questions. You might ask, “What do you think about so and so? How do you feel about that? What would you do if you had the power to make a change? What do you think is the right thing to do? How would you feel if the same thing happened to you? How did it feel when you did that to them? Do you think that was the right thing to do?” Instead of judging, turn matters around through your questioning. This makes them think about their situation and usually they come up with their own answer(s). And when they do, they OWN the answer. It is their property because they created it themselves. You can tell them that the answer lies within them. Tell them that your questions make them think more on their own. Tell them that you love it when they think on their own and come up with their own answers. “That’s what real men (or women) do. You are doing great.” You are there to guide them along the way with love and understanding. Practice being impartial with little ones around you and see what happens.
Paraphrasing is another tool to be recognized and utilized. Paraphrasing is another way to facilitate connection. When you paraphrase to your child, he or she has the sense that you really heard them because in paraphrasing, you are retelling their story in your own words. When you paraphrase, make sure you get “confirming feedback” to make sure you are correct in your interpretation of their story. Ask them, “Now did I get that right?” When they answer positively then you know you have scored points with them. To paraphrase correctly you must really hear the details of their story, so that requires you to pay attention and concentrate on them and them alone.
As the parent, who wants the best communication possible with your children, you also must be a great Active Listener, which means you are “physically showing support.” Your body language is demonstrating interest. Your eye contact is direct. (this is why, getting physically down to their level so they are looking straight into your eyes, not upward is important.) You are really understanding and concentrating on what they are saying and not on how you are feeling. You are making mental, and sometimes actual, notes on their main points. “Listening” means to pay close attention to, to give your ear and yourself. You must develop and internalize sharp skills and the ability to listen objectively with a keen sense of “demonstrated empathy.” When you empathetically listen to them, you start to process their situation from THEIR frame of reference instead of your own. True listening requires, first, that you are not preoccupied, for if you are, you cannot fully receive the information from your child.
I need to address body language. Body language is very important in this topic of Communication and Listening Skills. Body language is referred to as “nonverbal cues.” Statistics say that 93% of effective communication is through nonverbal cues (55% is body language and 38% is through tone of voice) and only 7% is through actual words. Therefore, it is important to understand the 93/7 Principle of Communication. Since the clear majority of communication that gets through is nonverbal, you must recognize what you are communicating with your child.
Observe children as they model the parents’ behavior. They are more influenced by the body language and tone of voice than by their actual words. “Do as I say and not as I do,” does not work, as we see children, teens and adults follow what they see and not what they hear. This saying, “Kids be what they see,” is more accurate. How are you standing, folding your arms, leaning forward in the chair or slouching? Look at your hands on your hips, looking at the clock constantly, one foot out of the door while talking. And observe yourself standing while others are sitting, holding a conversation while looking at television or on the computer. You must have some congruency about yourself in this regard. The word “congruent” means, “matching, agreeing, coinciding.” It sends clear, consistent messages to your child. Incongruency, on the other hand, leads to confusion, to nonacceptance, and then to rebellion. When your child gets mixed messages, you are sending this subtle message to them, “I want you to believe my hypocrisy,” and/or “I am trying to hide something.” Neither of these messages work. Your words must match your body language to show that you are communicating effectively. Understanding body language increases your understanding of how to connect with your child. You might be evaluating, judging, approving, disapproving, agreeing, disagreeing, confirming and/or denying, all by your body language. As you are communicating with your child, you want to ask at various intervals about their feelings. As you are asking them how they feel, they will, from the pattern that you are establishing, bond more with you and really feel validated. When their innocent heart detects sincerity, it opens itself up for love and connection.
Communication and listening skills are critically important for successful parenting experiences. When the parent establishes the rules of communicating and listening, and their children adhere to those rules and roles, miracles can happen in these areas: - Order increases – Respecting of themselves and others - Empathy is demonstrated - Peer compassion is a normal part of household culture - Validation of peers - Active listening is demonstrated regularly.
- How to go from angry children to happy, loving children -
Parents with young children go NOW to www.cloudsofabundance.com and get your FREE Parent Video “5 Steps to Phenomenal Parenting”
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