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VALIDATION

7/19/2017

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When it comes to validating your children, I wonder why this area is so difficult for some and not others. For some parents, they love their children so much, love the responsibility of caring and managing their affairs, spending time with them, laughing with them, playing with them, listening to their concerns and interests, loving the unique spirit that they are and loving with anticipation what that divine spirit is going to manifest through them. Then you have other parents who show resentment on too many levels that they "have to" take care of this baby as if it is a tremendous burden they would rather not have. What I find so interesting is that another parent type who has their own "image" of what their "perfect" baby would be like. They hold onto this image, loving and adoring this image and when their baby arrives in the world, they are gleeful at how this real creature in their arms is going to fit exactly into the image they have created. Their "visionary"baby doesn't express itself much, does exactly what it is told without question, wears all the clothes that were picked out for them even through adolescence with total joy and appreciation. This same "visionary child" loves the same religion and picks out a mate that totally pleases the parent. This parent is the mother in case you were wondering. Parent Types B and C present real damaging, long-term effects on their children that some cannot break free of in terms of personality disorders, dysfunctional adult lives and relationships. 

Validation is the number one need, I feel, that children have. True Validation is Acknowledging the Divine Spirit or God in the other Person.  When a parent says to their child "You are so wonderful," what they are really saying is they recognize God in their child and "that" Spirit is wonderful as it is showing itself in the child's behavior. Children need to feel like they matter, their voice has a legitimate place in the household, they feel at ease discussing what is within them knowing they won't be ridiculed or berated and to feel like they are important. The conscious parent asks questions to find out what is going on inside their child's mind. In order for them to love that spirit, they need to know more about it. When children don’t have validation, the emotional scarring starts taking place and problems begin. Lack of validation is responsible for most problems youth are having today. They have a spirit inside that is needing attention so badly that their spirit compels them to act out hoping someone out here will hear the real need inside. It is the parents’ responsibility to provide constant validation. Parents need to know and recognize the spirit inside the child; talk to it; tell the spirit that you love it. Their spirit or soul is very important to the child and should be important to the caring parent. Their spirit belongs to them, is unique to them and should be respected by anyone who is in their personal environment. Their soul should be honored and respected by both the child and the parent. The parent should support and encourage the child to honor their spirit within. Ask the child at different stages of their development how they are doing inside. How do they view the world? If the child could change something or anything out here, what would that look like? If they were in charge, what would then change, and why? Tell them that you are glad they are here. God has a special gift for them and they have a mission in this life. They are valuable and needed here, both in this family and later in the world. They were conceived in love, were wanted both before the pregnancy and afterwards and you, as the parent, feel blessed that God chose you to be the earthly parent for them. This is very important! How many parents do you know that have done this? 
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    Nazim Rashid

    The Compassionate Parent Coach, Author, Personal Growth Coach, Recovery Coach and Professional Speaker. I want the very best for you and I would love to witness you acknowledging the greatness within yourself and acting on the new YOU that you have now become. 

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